Having the courage to reveal his struggles with trying to find love has led to an unanticipated connection for an east Auckland man.
The Times recently reported on the struggles of divorced father-of-two Louis* to meet new people using dating apps.
He’s aged in his early 40s and found himself trying to start over when it came to relationships after moving from South Africa to New Zealand.
Louis tried dating apps Tinder, Bumble, and Boo but they left him feeling “degraded” and the experience was “horrendous”.
“I added about 10 photos ranging from a night out, a weekend away, and taking a ride on my mountain bike,” he says.
“In totality over the three apps, I had two people who showed interest on Boo and one reply in Bumble.”
The experience made Louis feel like “the worst human being in the world” and any confidence he had was “shattered beyond repair”.
“It feels like the women on these apps are extremely judgmental, snobbish, and dare I say fake.
“I know I’m not a hunk. Yes, I have a dad bod because I provided for my family.
“But I’m still a nice guy and would treat any lady with respect. But it seems it’s not good enough these days.
“I think the reality of these dating apps is a lot darker than one thinks. Or maybe it’s just me, I don’t know.”
Following the publication of Louis’s story on November 14, the Times was contacted by a local woman, Carol*, who’d read it and wanted her details passed on to him.
Like Louis she’s also divorced and aged in her 40s and says she’s “jaded” by dating apps.
“I feel like Louis’s story is a common one,” she says.
“Men who don’t fit, let’s say, the ‘normal’ standards of beauty, are maybe a bit overweight, or have lost their hair, or are too short or whatever it is, get overlooked on dating apps.
“The apps themselves make sure we focus on the outside and it’s too easy to swipe away if we don’t immediately like what we see.
“Women have it slightly easier. We can change our hair colour, put on makeup, get Botox, dress differently or even get surgery to put our best foot forward, plus we seem to know how to take better photos of ourselves.”
Carol says she’s tried using dating apps after having been married for almost 20 years.
“I’ve met a few men ‘organically’ this year as well, which has been a confidence boost.
“The dating apps are something else though. Even though I’m not a ‘judge a book by its cover’ gal, I really did find myself judging men by their photos.
“Often because they wouldn’t fill out their profiles, so you don’t have much else to work with.
“But I want Louis to know that not all the women are judgmental, fake and snobbish.
“I like what he said about treating women with respect as well, as that’s not always the case on dating apps.
“I also admire his courage to move to another country by himself and start over again and put himself out there. It’s not easy.”
*Names changed to protect their privacy.
