An east Auckland man says he’s given up using dating apps to try to find love after they left him feeling “degraded”.
Louis* contacted the Times following the publication of its ‘Sex and the Suburbs’ column in the paper on October 25.
In it, anonymous author Holly writes about her experience using the dating app Bumble.
She explains what she looks for in the profiles of men on Bumble, such as photos of a smiling bloke holding a fish, as well as what she dislikes, like frowning men with unkempt facial hair.
After reading her column, Louis emailed the Times to share his own experiences on dating apps.
He describes himself as a South African man who’s divorced and aged in his early 40s who now lives and works in east Auckland.
His efforts to get into the dating scene in this country and to meet someone have been less than successful.
“I’m here alone but I was very fortunate to stay with a couple of Kiwi lads that are a bit older than me,” Louis says.
“So, although I don’t have a vast network, I at least made some friends.
“I felt it was time to try and get back into the dating pool, not something I fathomed I’d ever need to do again at this stage of my life.”
He’s tried three different apps, Tinder, Bumble, and Boo, and says the experience with all of them was “horrendous”.
“I created a decent profile, giving as much information as possible without worrying about someone showing up at my door or stealing my identity.
“I added about 10 photos ranging from a night out, a weekend away, and taking a ride on my mountain bike.
“In totality over the three apps, I had two people who showed interest on Boo and one reply in Bumble.”
Louis says the experience made him feel like “the worst human being in the world” and any confidence he had was “shattered beyond repair”.
“It feels like the women on these apps are extremely judgemental, snobbish, and dare I say fake.
“I know I’m not a hunk. Yes, I have a dad bod because I provided for my family.
“But I’m still a nice guy and would treat any lady with respect. But it seems it’s not good enough these days.”
The Times asked Louis why he thinks so many single people now use dating apps instead of the traditional methods of meeting new people at bars or nightclubs.
“Bars are no longer set up for people to mingle,” he says. “I have not seen one bar that has chairs by the bar itself.
“Where you’d normally speak to people who sit next to you, those people are now sitting at a table.
“Unless you’re drunk or brave enough you won’t just approach a whole table.
“Besides that, I think people try and vet someone before they meet, which makes sense, but it causes you to meet fewer people and only go [on] what you see and read.
“I think the reality of these dating apps is a lot darker than one thinks. Or maybe it’s just me, I don’t know.
“One of my housemates tried some other apps and he was swarmed with girls and replies, only to realise later they were all chatbots. I’m just experiencing it so hard to meet someone.”
*Name changed to protect his privacy.
